When did it become so bad?
When was the last time I was
Happy?
Sober?
When was the last time I could even
Remember?
How did it get like this?
When did it become so bad?
When did it start?
How did one become
Two,
And when did two become
Many?
When did
Occasion
become
Habit?
When did
Desire
become
Need?
When did it become so bad?
Did you see it
Dim?
Fade away?
Did you feel the
Trust
Evaporate?
I trusted you with my
Soul,
With my
Story;
Did you feel me
Deflate?
I opened my
Gates, crushed my
Walls,
And you helped me
Build it back up,
Lock and throw away the key.
Did you see the
Light
In my
Eyes
Fade?
I’m trying.
I am trying so hard not to feel this way.
I get out of my bed everyday.
I brush my teeth.
Sometimes I even leave the house.
I
Am
Trying.
But it’s so hard.
It’s so hard to go on with my day
Like I don’t feel I’m a complete
Failure.
It’s so hard to even want to get up at all.
Everyday is just a new nightmare,
A new way to screw everything up even more.
But I keep doing it.
I keep getting up,
And eating something,
And going on with my life.
Even when I wish I wouldn’t.
It’s so fucking hard.
And you can tell me I’m strong,
You can tell me it won’t last,
And that I can beat it;
But I am just so
Tired.
It all takes so much energy,
So much effort,
Just to even look like I’m alright.
Like I’m happy.
And there are days where everything
Isn’t
Alright.
There are days where I don’t beat it,
Where I don’t get out of bed.
There are days when it gets to be too much,
For me.
But I
Keep
Going.
No matter how much I want to,
No matter how many times I fall down again,
Relapse,
Go back to my old habits;
I
Keep
Trying.
I’m trying not to feel this way.
I really, really am.
And I know you can’t really
Understand it.
I know you can’t always
Be there
For me.
But sometimes I just need someone.
I need them to hold my hand,
And rub my back,
And not say anything at all.
I just need someone to
Be
There.
I know you want me to feel better,
But this is something only
I
Can
Do.
It’s my fight,
My war,
And I don’t need your help
In the battles;
I just need you to
Be
There,
When I can’t fight anymore.
When I can’t get out of bed.
When I simply, can’t.
So just know that I’m trying.
I really, really am.
So you need to try too,
Because I keep going, and
I am
Always,
Trying.
shelberino 